Big Dick Fan Fic #1

By Janet Whitesides

It was 5:00 PM, and John Darnielle was writing in his diary. The afternoon sun was shining orange and yellow through the boughs of the old oak tree outside. John spaced out for a moment, admired the tree sunset beauty as he thought of titles for his new album.
"Maybe I will call it 'Dark Bird Brain'," he thought to himself. "Or, maybe 'Tiny Tinsel Toy'. Or, maybe I will name it after a South-African country." He had just thought of a really good one when his wife, Lalitree Darnielle, burst open the door to his study.

"Again you left the FUCKING top off the mayonnaise, John," she said. "Just what the hell is wrong with you?"
"Geez, Lalitree. I was going to put it away. I just needed a moment to think in my study, and then I was going to put the mayonnaise jar away."
"You have been in your study for three fucking hours, John."
"Well, anyway I just needed some time to think, Lalitree."
"'Needed some time to think,' John?"
"Maybe I would not need to spend so much time in my study if you were not nagging me all the time, Lalitree."
"Maybe I wouldn't need to nag you all the time if you could put the FUCKING cap back on the mayonnaise, JOHN!"
"Maybe I would do it if you just gave me the chance, LALITREE!"
"AARAKYRAAARD!" said Lalitree. In a fit of rage she threw the mayonnaise lid at John. It sailed in a curved hook like a flying saucer doing a barrel roll. It hit directly in the center of John Darnielle's forehead. John fell backwards off his chair, not as much from the force of the impact as from the surprise at being hit in the exact middle of the forehead with the flying lid of a mayonnaise jar.
"I HOPE YOU DIE!" said John as Lalitree began to storm out of the house.
"I HOPE WE BOTH DIE!" she said as she slammed shut the front door of their south-western ranch style house. The sound it made when she slammed the door was a sound like a nail being hammered into a coffin.

"Wow, that's a really good line," John thought to himself. He wrote it down in his diary. He waited a moment until he heard Lalitree peel away on her yellow and black Kawasaki and was sure she was gone for at least a while. "Now," thought John, "it is time to return to the closet where I hastily hide my little toys when Lalitree comes home too soon." As he approached the closet he could hear "Ghost...I know you live within me" wafting down the hall. John snuck up to the closet as silent as a cat. "Feel as you fly..." came from inside. John waited outside until "IN THUNDER... CLOUDS... ACROSS... THE CITY... HOW!... WE!... TORE!!!" Just then, John burst the door open. Inside, John Vanderslice sat up so quickly, his mouth made a distinct popping noise when it came up off Jeff Mangum's erect, throbbing member. J.D. knew Jeff was on the brink of climax. Jeff would always scream in a bleating warble just before releasing his warm boy juices all over his supple stomach.

"You little whore!" J.D. said, slapping Jeff across the face. Jeff turned his head and tried to cover up the red, throbbing outline on his face perfectly with his own hand. He touched it right where he felt the pain. The pain felt good. "You really thought you could get away with sneaking behind my back like that, Jeff? You worthless, tiny slut!"
"I'm sorry John. I have been a bad boy," bleated Jeff. "I have been an exceptionally bad boy."
"Well, Mr. Vanderslice. You know what we do with bad boys," said J.D..
"We punish them, Mr. Darnielle," said J.V.. J.V. beat Jeff about the buttocks as Jeff ran his boyish tongue up and down J.D.'s egarly waiting empty flesh tube, the tip easing its way in and out of Jeff's parted lips.
"I have loved you ever since you did that cover of my song where you couldn't really remember the lyrics," said Jeff.

Eventually they arranged themselves in a sort of vertical triangle up and over a sofa footrest, each boy eating another boy's butt. They sang "Two Headed Boy Pt. 1" Into each other's butts as they ate the butts. At "I AM LISTENING TO HEAR WHERE YOU ARE" J.D. and Jeff came simultaneously in what were the most beautiful and powerful orgasms of their adult lives. John thought he was going to shoot a couple vertebrae out of his dick. By this time the sun had long set behind the tree outside.